feeling private

I have debated and debated on making my blog private.  Especially with my dad passing, I have so many intense and intimate thoughts and feelings, that I wasn't sure what to do.  Plus, I was all of the sudden caring about the fact that people read this thing.  I used to not care at all...I am trying to get back to that though.  I've talked about going private with a lot of friends and have decided to keep it public.  I know that there would be family and even friends that still want to know what's going on in my crazy life!

With that said, I started a private journal and will use this more for family events and such...well, that's the plan for now.

I was going through some emails and I came across one from my dad that he sent in November of '08.  I am always amazed at how positive he was with us kids.  He was always encouraging and never once labeled or put us down.  As a parent, I find it hard sometimes to hold my tongue and try to only say positive things to Tessa.  He had a gift of making people feel good.  People were drawn to him, I hope I can be like that someday.  So I wanted to share this email with you, in hopes that you can plug in your name and he can remind you of who you are and how wonderful you are!

(Tessa was 2 years old at the time that he wrote this email:)

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Nicole,



I just wanted to drop you a note and tell you how pleased I am with you as a person, a mother and a wife. Considering all things I feel impressed to tell you that you are doing a great job in all of these areas.


What a powerful testimony Tessa is that your marriage to Jason is right. That cute little "creep" could not have come to anyone else but you two.


In your day-to-day comings and goings - don't let the "negatives" and the "nay-sayers" in your life over power the good that you do each and every day. You have a powerful personality for good and unfortunately we has humans brush over too quickly the good things we do every day and focus on our weaknesses and the negative things we do. Remember to soar with your strengths and manage your weaknesses.


In spite of whatever negatives you deal with overall you are the best. You have a husband that adores you and a little girl that can't live without you. And then you have parents, siblings and extended family that always comment on what a talented and good person you are.


Always be you - that spirit that is noble and great and you will come out the victor in the battles of this life.


Give Bitty, Bitty a big kiss from Pa Pa Groovy!


I love you little girl,

Diddy

My reply to him:

Diddy,



Thanks for you kind words. I will always know that I can relate to you and am so thankful for the spiritual connection that we share! You're a wonderful father...thanks for raising me to always feel special and loved....you passed that test!

Love,
nic nac

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(Diddy was the name I called my dad when I was a really little girl!) 
 
I was telling my mom the other day that one of the reasons why I am so sad about my dad leaving this earth life, is that I will deeply miss his daily phone calls of encouragement, love and support.  He loved to repeat himself, and he ALWAYS told me that I was a wonderful mother and that I was the one for Tessa.  He told me how much Jason loved me and how he knew I was doing my best.  He always told me to hang in there and be patient.  On days when Tessa was especially difficult, I really appreciated his kind words.  I told my mom how much I am going to miss that.  He was always the first one to comliment me.  No one in my life gave me encouragement like he did and I will forever miss that.  But I am SO grateful that I found this email.  I'm sure he was inspired by the Lord to write those words so long ago because the Lord knew that I would always have them.  I am thankful for the gospel and the knowledge that I have.  I know that I will see my dad again someday and I know that the Plan of Salvation is real.  What a loving Heavenly Father to give us the beautiful gift and comfort of knowledge....the only thing that we will have to carry us through to the next life.  My dad was a great example of learning and gaining knowledge.  My dedication to follow in his footsteps is so much stronger now and I'm thankful that my dad gave me that gift!  

Yesterday was a hard day, today has been better so far.  One day at a time.....