6 months.

I love this next one....Before she started crawling, she would go up on her tippy toes!  It was the cutest thing ever!









It's been six months...
six months of chaos. six months of complete happiness with the addition of felicity. six months of an emotional roller coaster.  six months of pure craziness with the life of three kids under the age of 4.  I can't believe that Felicity is already 6 months old.  She is such a happy baby and LOVES her brother and sister so much.  She lights up when she's near them.  She is crawling, sitting, and eating solids...WOW.  She is sleeping through the night and snuggles into my neck when she is tired during the day.  She loves taking bathes and her hair is the craziest mess of beautiful I have ever seen.

During this past six months of change, I've been dealing with a lot of change with myself.  Realizing that the weight after having baby number three takes a lot longer to come off, has been a huge struggle.  I also am dealing with so many emotions...wondering if I'm really capable of doing it all.  Being a mommy, wife, taking care of a house, being a good friend, my church calling....Making sure all of my roles are being filled.  I've had baby blues after each baby, but this time it lasted way too long.  My patience seemed to always be so short and I never felt like I was good enough for anything in my life.  My thoughts were always foggy and I seemed to have a hard time getting motivated.  I wanted to enjoy my 3 kids and wonderful husband, but I found myself pulling away and not wanting to deal with the fact that I just wasn't normal again.  I decided after much thought and prayer and tears that I needed extra help.  I went to my OB about postpartum depression and decided that I should go on an anti depressant for a few months until I feel like I can get a handle on things more.  I walked out of that appointment feeling so broken and defeated.  Thoughts went through my head like, Do I really need to take these?  Is life really that bad?  Do I really have postpartum?  Will this medicine really help me to feel normal again?

Long story short, I need to take care of myself.  I NEED to feel better, so that I can provide the emotional and physical stability my family needs me to have for their well being.  I started taking them this week and I hope and pray that this medicine will help me to be me again.  I've had so many mixed emotions about taking them, but I know it's temporary and I know that it's only going to help me.

phew...I've been wanting to write this for a while, but just haven't been able to.  Six months of happiness and sadness all at once.  I'm excited for this year and getting on the road to feeling myself again and giving my poor body a break from having babies!  I've been going to the gym 3 days a week and my goal it to make it 4 times. I am feeling great...I have more energy and finally starting to feel better about my body and myself!  I have to say that I'm so thankful for things like this in life that make me stronger.  I've learned more about myself and what I can and should handle and I'm realizing that it's okay to JUST be a mommy.  I love the other parts about myself, the creative crazy side, but I know that this just isn't the time to magnify that part of me right now.  And I'm finally okay with that.  I mean, I'm sure I'll still slip in a project here and there and I'm still doing photography, but I am majorly cutting back, being with my babes and trying to remind myself again and again that they only stay little for so long......Here's to refocusing, refreshing, and restructuring my life...in fabulous ways of course:)